


Eeny Meeny Miny Mo

by Rupzydaisy



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Background Angst, Episode: s02e13 A Good Day To Die, Gen, Humor, Maze is her own cheerleader, Sibling Rivalry, highstriker shenanigans, real talk, siblings who are ride or die - or both
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-06
Updated: 2018-05-06
Packaged: 2019-05-02 18:27:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14550678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rupzydaisy/pseuds/Rupzydaisy
Summary: Lucifer looked up at the sound of heated argument between his brother and his demon minion. “So, come on. Tell me, who's doing it?”They spoke over each other simultaneously.“I'll stab you.”“I'll do it.”Well this was a sticking point.





	Eeny Meeny Miny Mo

“I’ll not help you get trapped down there, not for some insignificant human’s life!” Charlotte’s heels clacked away on the tiled floor and his Mother, along with her disapproving, shrill tone, disappeared into the lift.

Lucifer’s lips thinned at the sight of the closing lift doors, brushing off his blue suit jacket. “Okay, now that the party pooper has left the building.”

His Mother had been very quick to ditch them, but he had counted on nothing less. Amenadiel, on the other hand, had surprised him. Now, Linda was stood beside him with her hands clasped tightly, still looking a little stunned, and asked for her part. He explained in quickly and in a daze, the therapist left with her task. He shooed Linda into the lift and then made a beeline back towards the bar, doing his best to ignore their mutterings and reached over the black marble counter to pluck another half full bottle of whiskey.

Lucifer steeled himself and asked, “Okay, who wants to kill me?”

Both Maze and Amenadiel’s hands shot up into the air instantly and he scoffed while allowing himself a wry grin and studied the two remaining participants in his plan, “Well I'd say I'm flattered, but I'm not sure that I am.”

He poured himself a generous glassful and then took an extra gulp straight from the bottle, still not quite believing what he had just signed himself up for. It all made sense though; with an awful sort of clarity. A quick jaunt back to hell and he'd return with the formula. Only there was that fine detail which involved the sticky reality of dying. Without the formula, the Detective would certainly die. He wasn't going to let that happen, not when he could save her. Funny, how the chips had fallen, how he was having to die to prevent a human’s death. He was sure that a certain _someone_ up there would be having a right old giggle about this situation.

He could fix it. He'd win. He was Lord of Hell after all...

Before capping the bottle, he took another gulp for luck, concentrating on the burn in his throat rather than the image of the Detective dying on a hospital bed that had locked itself into his brain. Because it wasn't _fair._ The man who put her there should have suffered for far longer on Earth. Never mind, he would make sure that his eternity of pain in Hell would last twice as long as it felt.

Lucifer looked up at the sound of heated argument between his brother and his demon minion. “So, come on. Tell me, who's doing it?”

They spoke over each other simultaneously.

“I'll stab you.”

“I'll do it.”

Well this was a sticking point. 

Maze stepped up to the counter and changed her tactics, elbowing Amenadiel and speaking plainly said, “You’re my boss. It's my duty to kill you, part of the job description.”

Amenadiel snorted as she crossed her arms before Lucifer as though it was a done deal and shook his head slowly. “He's my brother. It's part of _my_ job description.”

“I'm touched, I think.” Lucifer rested a hand on his chest and batted his eyelashes at his brother over Maze’s shoulder.

“I fight for _you_. I left Hell for you. So... correct me if I’m wrong, but I think that means I get to kill you.” The demon smiled wide, all pearly teeth. She took the bottle from the counter beside him and drank big gulps from it after clinking his nearly empty glass. “We're a team, right?”

Maze backed up against the counter beside him, shoulder to shoulder and stared down Amenadiel. Without breaking eye contact, she continued to chug from the bottle and the amber liquid dropped quickly down her throat until it was empty.

“That was very _convincing,_ Maze. Yes, thank you for that.” Lucifer exchanged a look with Amenadiel and gestured for him to go ahead.

“Like I said, you're my brother, Luci. If anyone's killing you, it's me.”

“Hmmm, I think Maze made a better argument. I have given her the run around all these years.” Lucifer faked a half-wince and teetered his hand in the air, just to give Amenadiel a visual representation of the way their little contest was going.

Amenadiel shrugged drummed his fingers on the side of the sofa. “I'm just saying that if you think about it, and if I was in your shoes, you'd want to kill me.”

“Yes, good point!” Lucifer made a noise of agreement and nodded enthusiastically, “I mean, it would be my brotherly duty. Which _does_ trump minion responsibility. Sorry, Maze.”

“No, I'm not giving this up!” Maze growled.

She thrusted the almost empty bottle sideways at Lucifer who fumbled to catch it before it fell. He was glad that their attention was on each other, and vaguely on the situation at hand. If they started questioning his lack of sanity, he wasn’t sure how long his grip on it would last.

Their Mother had left them to it because she didn’t want to be a part of it and Amenadiel was half of the same mind. It was a madcap scheme, and his brother was good at cooking them up, yet somehow he couldn’t bring himself to follow their Mother out of the door. It would mean leaving Lucifer behind, and he didn’t want to do that either.

“We can't argue all day,” Amenadiel argued back with a deep frown.  

“No, you can't. Time is forever a-ticking. You're going to have to find a way to settle this.” Lucifer grimaced and then declared, “I need a stronger drink,” before slipping around the counter and reaching for the good stuff up on the top shelf.

A moment’s silence lingered between the three of them and a look of concentration passed over Maze’s face before her arms slipped behind her back and she drew out two wicked curved blades to waggle them in front of Amenadiel’s face.

“First to draw blood?” She asked him with an equally wicked grin.

Amenadiel’s frown cut deeper into the crease between his eyebrows he considered the weapons. They're not her demon blades. But that doesn’t mean that he's keen about wielding them, or having them anywhere near him. He reached out a hand to accept but froze halfway when Lucifer made a noise of disapproval from where he was rummaging behind the bar.

“No, no.” Lucifer shook his head from his perch on a wall ladder between the top two shelves on the wall. “As much as I'd enjoy watching the two of your knocking seven bells out of each other, the Detective doesn't have the time. You'll have to find a way to decide quicker.”

“Okay, fine.” Maze huffed and slumped her shoulders. She sheathed the blades without an argument but looked expectantly at Amenadiel.

“What?” He stared back at her, confused about her deathly glare.

She jabbed a finger at him and told him, “It's your turn to come up with a bright idea.”

“Right.”

-x-

“This is your big idea?” Maze stared in disgust at a painted silver man gesturing wildly for her to step a little closer to take a selfie. She was half tempted to drag him over to the wooden barrier and throw him over the edge into the water.

The wooden boards of the pier shifted under the weight of throngs of people enjoying the sunshine. They flitted between food stalls selling everything from tacos and wooden bowls of vegan stew to heaped ice creams smothered in sauces and coloured, shaped candy floss. Others brandished their luck at the machines, loudly groaning or cheering when they came up winners. Further along, past where the pier opened up behind the buildings, game stalls were spaced out with flashing lights and stallholders enticing passers-by.

“If you want to give up, that's fine with me.” Amenadiel gave her an expectant smile because if she caved, it was a forfeit, and it would mean that he would have won.

Maze said nothing and shoved past him, slamming her side into him hard enough to knock him backwards.

“It's quick enough.” Amenadiel caught his balance and called after her but she didn't bother to turn back.

Beside him, Lucifer dragged his feet after them, phone in hand. His eyebrows were lowered and he stared at the screen with an intense concentration he very rarely used. Amenadiel’s curiosity got the better of him and he leaned over to try and see the screen, but he only glimpsed a timer counting down numbers in a lurid green before his brother stuffed the phone into his trouser pocket.

“What?”

“Nothing,” Amenadiel leaned away and cleared his throat. “Maze’s just mad because my idea was better than hers. I'll win this, and we'll get it sorted.”

He elbowed his brother in what he thought was an encouraging way, but Lucifer looked away without a word and swiftly walked off after Maze into the crowds of people weaving between the stalls.

“No, wait.” He darted forward to reach out and grab onto Lucifer's suit jacket, “You having doubts, Luci?”

Lucifer shrugged him off and scowled; then he leaned close and hissed at his brother, “What, about dying and going back to Hell? I've been away for some time, yes, but it is _my_ realm.”

“That's not what I meant.”

Lucifer sucked in a deep breath and spat back, “Does it look like I care?”

Amenadiel watched Lucifer stalk off after Maze and followed after a moment. He caught up with them in a break in the crowd created by Maze glaring at anyone wanting to take a seat on the empty bench behind them.

“The plan, quickly,” demanded Lucifer, jamming his hands into his pockets.

“What about that one?”

Maze pointed at the hook-a-duck stall opposite them under a bright blue plastic awning flapping in the breeze. Past the wooden table top barrier, a multitude of brightly coloured plastic ducks slowly circled around, bobbing in the water with gormless expressions. The flimsy plastic fishing rods and the incessant quacking from the stall’s speakers looked slightly appealing for one reason, and one reason only.

Maze shifted her finger and beamed, “It's made that pathetic child cry rivers of snot. Could be a good look for you.”

“No.” Lucifer vetoed and turned away from the duck sound effects that were unravelling his grip on his sanity far too quickly.

“That one?” Amenadiel followed his brother’s line of sight and pointed over at a red and green stall without a queue.

There was a reason for that, and it made Lucifer snort. “There's a special place in Hell like that. The game's rigged, and I don't want to listen to the two of you whine about it.”

“Wouldn’t be for long.” Maze reminded him as she sized up the stacked up buckets and the way balls bounced straight of it.

Her flippant tone struck him a little harder than he wanted, and Lucifer shifted on the spot, trying to push a certain cluster of thoughts away from his consciousness. “Won't be ever if one of you doesn't pick something,” he griped dramatically.

Maze opened her mouth to argue back but a cheer from a crowd further down the pier drowned her out and drew her attention. She craned her neck and saw the Test Your Strength game. “What about that?”

They cut through the crowd huddled around the game stall watching a short, stocky man wearing a bright blue baseball cap being awarded a very small, deformed, pink fluffy toy. Behind him the lights on the high striker flashed in bright orange at the third level on the slim gaudy pole he had reached, declaring him _Barbarian!_ The speakers to the side blared out hurdy-gurdy music in time.

“Come and test your strength, ladies and gentlemen, you only have to hit it as hard as you can.”

The stall holder flipped her long brown hair streaked with equal amounts of purple and green. Her clothes were equally eye catching, and she wore a metallic vest jacket and denim shorts. Playing on the attention garnered from the previous participant, she levelled a look at the watching crowd and declared, “Three dollars for a go, five for three goes!”

Amenadiel looked behind him to see Lucifer checking his phone again. He quickly considered his options, and then rolled his shoulder, stepping up to raise a hand, “I'll go next.”

“Looks like we have a contender.” The stallholder picked up the hammer with one hand and clapped it with her free one while the crowd around them mirrored her, clapping along with her.

“Three dollars.” She asked and took the money from Amenadiel, tucking it away into her jacket pocket.

Amenadiel stepped up to take the hammer. He swung it, testing its weight against the muscles in his arms. He lifted it high with a big swing and brought it crashing down. It firmly smacked the metal plate with a clang that rung on and on. The puck flew up the gauge lighting up one marker after another with little dings until it rose past five feet and paused at ‘Kryptonian in Underpants and Tights’, eliciting a whoop from the crowd around them.

Then gravity took hold of the small puck and it plummeted back down, hitting the plate with a final little clang. The lights on the high striker flashed garishly and the stallholder cheered approvingly. Amenadiel pressed his lips together and swapped out the hammer for a deformed orange teddy bear with only one eye that the stallholder offered him for participating. He gripped it a little too tightly and it spoke in a robotic voice that jittered and jumped over vowels, “Yo-u’re my b-est frie-nd.”  

The stallholder looked pleased and she reached around the high striker and flipped a switch, resetting the game. “Any other takers?” The woman asked, flourishing a tanned arm at the flashing marker by her shoulder.

“Give me that.” Maze’s hand shot out and yanked the hammer away from her.

The woman yelped in surprised but jutted out her own hand and pursed her lips. “Pay to play.”

Maze dumped three crunched dollar bills into her palm before rolling her shoulders out. She took a moment for herself, gripping the wooden handle with both hands until her knuckles looked like they were going to pop out of her hand. The strain in her muscles felt natural. In fact, it was the most natural thing she had done all day long.

She had used hammers before, in her demon hands. And she’d cracked countless hundreds of bones and shattered skulls, over and over and over again. That had been her normal, not so long ago. With a weapon in each hand and the Devil's instruction to torture sinners, Maze had known where she stood and was good at it. Her loyalty to her job was unshakable because it was what she was. It was her everything and she was good at it.

But it didn't mean she enjoyed where it had dragged her to.

“Come on, this is your one shot. Since you've been here, you've had nothing good.”

She dropped her head in concentration and muttered to herself, “All those times you had to clean up after his messy nights. Tidy up the trash he brought home. Fixing drinks for spineless, pathetic worms behind the counter instead of skinning them like they deserved.”

She glanced up and saw Lucifer still standing on the edge of the crowd, facing away from the stall, from her, with his eyes glued to his phone. They were waiting on Linda's call. Linda, a human, who had tagged along to help because Chloe was her friend too, and she didn't want...anything bad to happen to her either.

Although she wouldn't admit it to anyone, Maze had grown used to sharing an apartment with someone she could call a friend. They’d had a few arguments, and she’d broken several vases and a handful of plates, mostly to avoid washing them up. But Chloe hadn’t thrown her out for it. She’d even let Maze keep her more eyebrow-raising items, in her own bedroom of course, and banned her little minion of a daughter from entering it. Trixie was growing on Maze too. The little girl was intelligent, for her size, and she had introduced Maze to her new favourite food stuff, a sugar coated, rainbow coloured, crunchy cereal. For that reason alone, Maze felt like she needed to do something for the Deckers. But more importantly, a very quiet whisper of a reminded her, that she just didn't want Chloe to die.

Well, if Linda could face up to the brain-melting idea that Lucifer was the Devil, then Maze could dig down deep too and win this stupid game. She could do it for herself, because she really, really, really wanted to be the one to kill Lucifer. At their last lunchtime session, that had involved Maze bringing a box full of doughnuts and a bottle of vodka that the therapist passed up because she had afternoon appointments, Linda had told her she needed to believe in herself more. As though it would make a difference to the hot, raw feeling of anger that seemed to be growing bigger and bigger with each of Lucifer’s mistakes. The tiny blonde had made her sit down and make a list of a number of positive ‘attributes’ about herself, that were not physical ones, and it had the demon walking out of the office with half a smile.  

“Okay, Maze.”

She told herself while cracking her neck. She stepped up with a look of pure determination and squared up her feet in front of the high striker’s plate. Her eyes slide over to glance at Amenadiel who was watching her intently, willing her to lose so that he could be the one to kill his brother, after only swinging by to see him a few weeks ago. No way was she having it. “Listen Maze, all the shit you had to do over the last few years, and everything before then. Following him out of hell, leaving everything behind. You are brave. You are fearless. You are the most badass demon this side of the Earth’s crust.”  

She sucked in a deep breath in and tightened her grip on the handle until the wood creaked, pausing only as a final thought struck her, “Oh yeah, and you are awesome enough to kill the Devil.”

Maze swung the hammer hard and smacked it onto the plate, hard enough to dent the metal surface. The puck rocketed up the gauge in a blaze of colourful flashes as it zipped past the markers; Wimp, Nothing Amazing I Guess, Barbarian, Tarzan's Mom, Kryptonian in Underpants and Tights, Wonder Woman, lighting them all up one by one.

It hit the bell at the very top of the ten-foot marker, reaching Hulking Out with an out of tune trumpet hailing her victory, along with a cacophony of bells and flashing lights. The small crowd gathered around the high striker stall who had been intrigued by the impromptu competition between the two of them erupted into cheers and a round of applause, drawing the attention others passing by.

Maze relinquished the hammer with a long exhale and stepped back, looking up at the highest marker still alternating with flashing bright yellow and green. She felt triumphant.

“Oh yeah,” she said to herself and spun on the spot to face Amenadiel, who had fallen into a stunned silence, complete with a slack jaw and glassy, unblinking eyes.

The feeling of winning was exhilarating, and she threw her arms up, playing up the victory for the crowd. One over-enthusiastic teenage boy affected by her excitement stuck out his hand for celebratory high five and she punched him squarely in the face. He gave a moan of pain and crumpled backwards which thinned the crowd enough for her to step closer to Amenadiel. She tipped her chin up and drew back her lips in a brilliant, white-toothed smile aimed squarely at him and crowed at him, “I win. I beat you, because I'm the best.”

His eyes were unfocused, looking past her and the top of the high striker. His strength really had failed him, just as he had needed it.  He offered, “Best of three?”, and was given a shove for the suggestion.

All the commotion had drawn Lucifer's attention and he looked up from his phone having missed Maze’s motivating speech to herself, but not the flashing lights that the stall holder had left on to draw a long line of people had had begun to queue up to take on the new champion.  

“Oh good, one of you actually won,” he said flatly. When his phone buzzed, he took the call immediately. It was brief, and he only spoke twice, “Good,” and “We're on our way now.”

Maze parted through her still cheering crowd and Lucifer yanked on Amenadiel’s jacket because his feet were slower to move away from the game. Together they quickly walked off the pier and Lucifer updated them on the situation. “Linda has the defibrillator, she'll meet us outside the hospital.”

There was silence in the car on the drive to the hospital. Maze had taken shotgun and buzzed with determination. She had won the game, and she would kill Lucifer to save Chloe. Things were seeming to slot into place, for once, and she wouldn’t complain about it. Amenadiel sat in the back seat, watching his brother’s reflection in the rear-view mirror as he drove. In his opinion, Lucifer wasn’t fooling anyone but himself. Which was business as usual, really.

-x-

Linda sat on a bench in the courtyard outside the main entrance of the hospital with one hand tightly gripping a large black bag. The blue scrubs she had managed to scrounge up were uncomfortable, and she patted the front pocket where there was a spare pair for Maze. To distract herself for what felt like the hundredth time, she looked down at her phone, but there were no new messages. She had sourced and bought the defibrillator quickly and had even twisted the seller’s arm into giving her a brief lesson on how to use it. He told her it was simple enough, attach the wires, prep the machine, and then use the paddles to shock the patient. She knew she had flinched when he said that, but she couldn’t help it. The idea of killing someone made her a sort of jittery that could truly only be achieved after drinking deathly amounts of coffee, or by having a full-blown crisis. Despite everything she was fully aware of her reasons for going along with his mad plan.

“You can do this, you can do this,” she muttered over and over again to herself. “Chloe needs your help. Lucifer’s going to die and need you to bring him back, so he also needs your help. Yep, you can totally do this.”

The car squealed to a halt in the parking spot front of her and made her jump. She got to her feet as the three of them got out and Lucifer eyed the bag hoisted onto her shoulder before slapping on a grin. She frowned at him, because she could see right through it.

Lucifer gestured with a sweeping hand at Maze, “Doctor, you have your lovely assistant here who you can dress in those nasty blue paper uniforms and give a crash course on using that machine.”

“Oh?”

Maze flashed her teeth and her eyes mirrored the deadly glint. “I won the right to kill Lucifer. I get to use the shock machine.”

The demon’s grin alarmed Linda and there was an awkward pause when all she could do was blink at the swirling thoughts she had had over the past hour of actually carrying out the plan and holding the shock paddles over Lucifer herself, but she heaved out a sigh of relief, “Oh thank Go- goodness, the thought of killing someone…”

In an odd moment of clarity, Lucifer heard the tremble in her voice and found himself saying something he hadn't expected. The words tumbled out of his mouth quickly, “If you want to leave-”

Linda’s face scrunched up tightly and she shook her head violently, blonde hair falling out of her neat ponytail. “No, no way. Chloe needs our help. We're all here to help Chloe. We’re here to help you, Lucifer.”

Maze stuck her hand out, “Actually, I'm here because I get to kill him, and Amenadiel’s here because he lost. And he’s a sore loser. Like the shittiest loser ever.” Her blunt tone did nothing to stop the other three staring at her shades of open surprise mixed in with pure and utter disbelief. Amenadiel snorted loudly, and even Linda shook her head.

Maze threw her hands up in, “Okay, fine, I'm not losing a flatmate whose mostly tolerable. Do I _need_ to spell it out? She's my friend. Let's go.”

The demon yanked the bag containing the defibrillator off Linda and stomped off into the building. Linda had backpedalled out of the way and then dithered on the spot, “She's my friend too. I can’t believe we’re really doing this, but we’ll see you upstairs, Lucifer.”

Lucifer patted the petite therapist on the arm gently, “Maze might be hellbent on killing me, but I do trust you to bring me back, doctor.”

Linda offered a weak smile and a weird burble of laughter escaped her throat. She still a little faint at the thought, but she stood a little more straighter and followed Maze’s retreating figure inside the hospital lobby to go prep the room.

Lucifer pulled out his phone and looked down at his phone once again and Amenadiel caught the timer on the screen, still counting down the seconds they had left. He was about to drop it back into his pocket but instead looked up at the hospital and the rows upon rows of windows and floors. He seemed dwarfed by the building and the task it contained.

He cleared his throat and flashed a smirk at his brother, “Fair’s fair, Amenadiel. Maze won. I know you're disappointed about yourself. Honestly, I would have expected more from you, it was a poor performance indeed.”

Lucifer's teasing was half hearted and his shoulders slumped when he looked across at the hospital doors and the people milling in and out.

Amenadiel decided to play along and see where it went. “You know I let her win.”

“Oh, of course you did! Kryptonian in Underwear and Tights, wasn’t it?” Lucifer shoved the phone into his pocket and took a few steps towards the front doors before faltering.

Amenadiel shrugged his shoulders defensively, his defeat still stinging a little. “So what, you're painting yourself as a superhero now?”

When Lucifer spun on the spot to face his brother, the lightness in his voice had cracked. “Since when would anyone call the Devil a hero?”

“When I first came looking for you, you were so adamant that you weren't going back there. Not for your duty, not for yourself, not for Father.” Lucifer rolled his eyes and turned away, but Amenadiel reached out and made him stop, “Now you're going back to Hell for a human and I'm not going to pretend to understand your reasons, but the way I see, you're doing something good for a change by not letting her die.”

Lucifer was staring at the bushes beside his car. “Are you done?”

“For now.” His voice had softened, and he stepped to the side to allow him to pass. “Because for once you're not thinking about yourself.”

Lucifer opened his mouth to say something; to argue back or just insult him, but he stopped himself and only shook his head. “I'm trying something different, and I’m having to die for it.”

Amenadiel sighed heavily and raised a hand slowly, almost like a peace-keeping gesture, and rested it on his shoulder. He had to squeeze it to bring his brother out of his thoughts and Lucifer looked up at him. “Mother had her reasons for leaving, but I'm with you on this, brother.”

Lucifer echoed the sigh and then clapped Amenadiel on his shoulder hard enough for it to be a heavy smack. “Then, I have a job for you, brother.” Then they headed into the hospital to carry out the plan to save Chloe Decker.

 


End file.
